Who Would Canadians Turn to in the Event of a Cylon Attack?

As this picture shows, Justin Trudeau is NOT Canada’s best hope to lead the Rebel Alliance. However, in the event of a cylon attack, Justin is the man.

Last week, Postmedia ran the most awesome headline ever:

Conservative government’s order of succession shows Canada isn’t ready for a Cylon attack

The article itself isn’t earth shattering, but it does raise an important, albeit often overlooked, question. Earlier this summer, a poll showed Americans trusted Obama over Romney to deal with an alien invasion, but there’s sadly no quantitative evidence as to who Canadians would turn to if faced with a similar crisis. To bring clarity to this issue, I have therefore looked at how the different party leaders stack up in the key aspects of surviving a cylon invasion, using President Laura Roslin as the gold standard.

(NOTE: While a case could be made that Marc Garneau’s experience makes him the obvious candidate, I will follow the practice of pretty much every pollster and assume Justin Trudeau is the next Liberal leader)

Key 1 – Willingness to compromise for the greater good: Despite being an idealist, Laura Roslin was often forced into unwinnable situations that required her to sacrifice her principles to ensure survival. Torture cylon agents? Airlock prisoners? Ban abortion to repopulate the human race? For Roslin, the ends justified the means.

While all politicians compromise their principles in power, no one does it as effortlessly as Harper. A flip-flop on income trusts? A climb down on Senate reform? Ignoring his fixed election date law? Frak yeah! Harper didn’t blink. And like Roslin, Harper turned a blind eye to his campaign team’s alleged use of electoral fraud to get him re-elected.

Edge: Harper

Key 2 – Embrace the prophecy: Roslin relied heavily on visions to lead her people. After all, the ancient scriptures of Kobol identified her as the spiritual leader who would find earth.

While Tom Mulcair may have a bit of a god-complex, Justin Trudeau seems the most likely to be the chosen one. Like Roslin, he comes from humble roots as a school teacher and has little experience in a position of power.

Moreover, he was born on Christmas Day and thousands of Liberals already see him as their Messiah. Maybe there’s something to it.

Edge: Trudeau

Key 3 – Able to fight: Inevitably, as the human race struggles to survive, there will be mutinies, rebellions, and hand-to-hand combat with the enemy. There’s a good chance the President will have to literally fight for their life at some point.

On this point, it’s no contest. Yes, cylons may be tougher to knock down than Conservative Senators, but Trudeau has proven his toughness.

Edge: Trudeau

Key 4 – Humanity: Of course, we still need to address the most important aspect of a cylon attack – what if they’ve already placed human look alike “skinjobs” in positions of power, waiting to activate them once the fighting begins. Above all else, it is paramount that the leader of the post-apocalyptic government be not only human, but above suspicion of being one of the final five.

While it seems unlikely the cylons would create a model so obviously robotic and devoid of emotions as Stephen Harper, there would no doubt be suspicions. And really, we must ask ourselves how much we know about the current Prime Minister. How often do you hear Harper talk about his childhood growing up in Ontario? Would it really surprise anyone if this flimsy backstory is nothing more than a cover designed to hide his mechanical roots?

Justin Trudeau, however, has been in the public eye since he was born. Criticize him all you want, but unless the cylons have developed a model that can age from fetus to adult, Justin is undeniably human.

Edge: Trudeau

So while we may not know where he stands on all the issues, on this point there is little doubt – Justin Trudeau is the leader Canada needs in the event of a cylon attack.

So say we all!

Posted on by CalgaryGrit in Humour

About CalgaryGrit

A former Calgary Liberal, now living in Toronto. My writings on politics can be found at www.calgarygrit.ca and online at the National Post.

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3 Responses to Who Would Canadians Turn to in the Event of a Cylon Attack?

  1. JamesF

    Broadcast that photo far and wide and Justin can consider the geek vote locked up.

  2. Humble Roots

    Humble roots… pft…

  3. Jason Holborn

    I guess you mean “humble roots” in reference to the profession of school teaching. I missed BSG, however I did catch several scenes of Laura Roslin, and I did really dig her a great deal; I saw some terrific scenes of her, and she was well-written and well-acted in them. I’d definitely consider voting for her!

    I’m with James F; that photo could do for Justin what the Star Trek Next Generation photo did for Jack!

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